I'm back! I'm terrible about being consistent with blogging. Sorry! However, this morning's quiet time has been awesome. I read Isaiah 66 and John 3. I'm starting to see so many connections in the Bible. I've never spent much time in the book of Isaiah, but I've come to the conclusion that it might be the most beatifully written text of all time!! God is so very descriptive in His words...He tries to make sure that we truly understand the magnitude of what He wants us to know.
In a nutshell, in Isaiah 66, God tells us to be faithful to him - that the reward is greater than anything we can imagine and He reminds us that He is just and will bring down His judgement on those who come against Him. Isaiah 66:2 says, "there is one I esteem: he who is humble and contrite in spirit and trembles at my word." We are to fear Him and realize that our lives are nothing without God as the center. Later in the chapter, we are told that if we suffer or are ridiculed for His sake, or if we are going through trials, our pain has a purpose. We shouldn't dwell on those who hurt us or on the negative aspects of life because God will give us comfort. God will provide refuge in our storms. God compares it with the joy a woman has holding her newborn child after going through the intense (OH MY the intense) labor pains and childbirth. In the end, God will make everything right.
As a side note, I literally LOL'd at this - as Barry and I found out a few days ago that I'm pregnant with our third child! I didn't need a reminder so soon of the pain it'll take to get this little one here...HAHAHA. However, there is nothing - NOTHING - that can compare with the moments I first saw my other two children. Those images are forever etched in my mind and the pain is eventually forgotten because of the overwhelming love and joy that replaces it.
So, life is hard. It's meant to be hard. However, we are to do all we can to focus our attention on God and what we are here to do - spread the gospel of Jesus Christ to all people. I loved how our campus pastor, Steve, taught us about being a reflection of Jesus yesterday. I admit that this humbled me and made me think about what I can do or say in my life to let Christ show through me. It is our one main calling in life - if you aren't telling people about the awesome love, grace, and mercy of Jesus, then the life you've been given has been wasted.
I read John 3 and while John 3:16 is the cornerstone of my faith and one of the most beloved verses to me, I felt my focus being placed on John 3:30 - "He must become greater, I must become less." Pride is a sin that I struggle with often...pride in my intelligence, in my own judgement. Oh, how wrong that is!!! God has a purpose for me, a direction He wants me to take so that He can bless me and I get in my own way sometimes. I admit as I'm writing this that I feel so very ashamed that I don't seek His will in ALL things. I stumble and fail so often because of this. That one verse is so powerful and I'm crying because I'm overwhelmed at the power of the Lord. Oh God, be more than me! Forgive me of my pride and help me put You, my precious Heavenly Father, above me, for you are HOLY, RIGHTEOUS, JUST, MERCIFUL, LOVING, AND GRACIOUS!! ALL MY PRAISE BE TO YOU!
Monday, August 1, 2011
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Holy Confusion, Batman!
As I sat reading my Bible this morning, I had to keep praying for wisdom and focus and then re-read the verses yet again to try and get a better understanding. My "assigned" reading this morning was Hebrews 6:1-12. I guess I'm not the only one who has trouble following this, though, as apparently this particular passage of scripture can be considered pretty controversial. Can a saved person lose their salvation? I personally think no - not if one is truly saved and comes to God with a humbled heart filled with repentance.
I guess this makes me think of my own life. I said the sinner's prayer on Februray 3, 1991. I was almost 10. In fact, it was my dad's birthday. I went to my preacher after talking with my mom about being saved (she drove me to church early before that evening's service). I spoke with Preacher Ricky and my mom, he went through the Roman's Road to salvation with me, I said the prayer and that was that. I was baptized a week later. I remember feeling good, knowing that I had done something good, but looking back on it, I didn't really "get it." I didn't have a full understanding of sin and God's grace and putting your faith in Jesus Christ. Because of this, of the fact that my heart wasn't really changed, I don't really think I was saved because I didn't understand what I needed saving from.
As I grew, instead of maturing in my faith, I flat out rebelled. I went to church because my mom made me go, not because I wanted to go. I did stupid, but unfortunately typical, teenage stuff. I lied to my parents without so much as a moment's hesitation (lucky for me, I was a terrible liar and my parents found out about stuff before I got myself into too much trouble - although there was a car incident that had could have cost me my life). I eventually quit going to church altogether because it cut into my social time. I worshipped my own agenda rather than Jesus. I went to college with this mentality and it just went south from there.
Finally, at 20 years old, I'd had my heart broken. Partying no longer made me happy and I hated picking up drunk "friends" from bars in the middle of the night when they didn't want to call a cab. I had put my faith in people who failed me, and had done some things that I will forever regret. I guess this was my "rock bottom." I started going to a church that had a great group of other 20-somethings. I began to read my Bible again. I started to actually hunger for some purpose to my life and began to really understand what my life was missing. I remember the day I fell on my face before God in my room and asked Him for his forgiveness and for Jesus to come and live through me. I hungered for God's Word and drank it in. I stopped trying to find my own fulfillment in others and started looking to Jesus. For the first time in my life, I was truly a child of God. I received salvation from my sins because I put my faith in Christ as my only hope in this life and life eternal.
Back to my life now - I went for a few years where I forgot about that thirst and hunger and let other things take its place. However, God has continued to bless me and love me even when I let Him down - I would be reminded of Jesus and pray to Him sporadically. Barry and I began searching for a church home a couple of years ago and have finally found where we belong. The hunger for Jesus was there all along, it seems - I just got in my own way and didn't continue to mature in my faith. I was stagnant. I don't believe for a millisecond that I had lost my salvation, though. The change in my life after I accepted Christ was too big.
Maturity in faith, to me, means striving each day to be better than the day before in terms of my relationship with Jesus. The milk of the gospel is no longer enough - I need more to grow and learn. Proof of this growth will be seen in the the fruit I bear for Jesus. My goal each day should be to reach others for Him, whether it's here in my own home with my children or out in the world through the people I meet.
God, I thank you again for my salvation and for the forgiveness you offer for the times I still fail you. I pray, as I mature, that you grant me wisdom and the opportunity to reach others for you. Give me the ability to love and serve others in a way that glorifies you. Guide me where you want me to be. Help me to bear fruit here in my own home as a mother and a wife, as well. Thank you, Father, for providing the guidebook through your Word and help me keep my focus on you so that the hunger I feel for the Bible never fades. In Jesus's precious and holy name, Amen.
I guess this makes me think of my own life. I said the sinner's prayer on Februray 3, 1991. I was almost 10. In fact, it was my dad's birthday. I went to my preacher after talking with my mom about being saved (she drove me to church early before that evening's service). I spoke with Preacher Ricky and my mom, he went through the Roman's Road to salvation with me, I said the prayer and that was that. I was baptized a week later. I remember feeling good, knowing that I had done something good, but looking back on it, I didn't really "get it." I didn't have a full understanding of sin and God's grace and putting your faith in Jesus Christ. Because of this, of the fact that my heart wasn't really changed, I don't really think I was saved because I didn't understand what I needed saving from.
As I grew, instead of maturing in my faith, I flat out rebelled. I went to church because my mom made me go, not because I wanted to go. I did stupid, but unfortunately typical, teenage stuff. I lied to my parents without so much as a moment's hesitation (lucky for me, I was a terrible liar and my parents found out about stuff before I got myself into too much trouble - although there was a car incident that had could have cost me my life). I eventually quit going to church altogether because it cut into my social time. I worshipped my own agenda rather than Jesus. I went to college with this mentality and it just went south from there.
Finally, at 20 years old, I'd had my heart broken. Partying no longer made me happy and I hated picking up drunk "friends" from bars in the middle of the night when they didn't want to call a cab. I had put my faith in people who failed me, and had done some things that I will forever regret. I guess this was my "rock bottom." I started going to a church that had a great group of other 20-somethings. I began to read my Bible again. I started to actually hunger for some purpose to my life and began to really understand what my life was missing. I remember the day I fell on my face before God in my room and asked Him for his forgiveness and for Jesus to come and live through me. I hungered for God's Word and drank it in. I stopped trying to find my own fulfillment in others and started looking to Jesus. For the first time in my life, I was truly a child of God. I received salvation from my sins because I put my faith in Christ as my only hope in this life and life eternal.
Back to my life now - I went for a few years where I forgot about that thirst and hunger and let other things take its place. However, God has continued to bless me and love me even when I let Him down - I would be reminded of Jesus and pray to Him sporadically. Barry and I began searching for a church home a couple of years ago and have finally found where we belong. The hunger for Jesus was there all along, it seems - I just got in my own way and didn't continue to mature in my faith. I was stagnant. I don't believe for a millisecond that I had lost my salvation, though. The change in my life after I accepted Christ was too big.
Maturity in faith, to me, means striving each day to be better than the day before in terms of my relationship with Jesus. The milk of the gospel is no longer enough - I need more to grow and learn. Proof of this growth will be seen in the the fruit I bear for Jesus. My goal each day should be to reach others for Him, whether it's here in my own home with my children or out in the world through the people I meet.
God, I thank you again for my salvation and for the forgiveness you offer for the times I still fail you. I pray, as I mature, that you grant me wisdom and the opportunity to reach others for you. Give me the ability to love and serve others in a way that glorifies you. Guide me where you want me to be. Help me to bear fruit here in my own home as a mother and a wife, as well. Thank you, Father, for providing the guidebook through your Word and help me keep my focus on you so that the hunger I feel for the Bible never fades. In Jesus's precious and holy name, Amen.
Friday, July 8, 2011
"I will love them freely" Hosea 14:4
I absolutely love the fact that, as I spend time reading the Bible, God speaks to me in some form or fashion. Whether it's to thump me on the head and remind me of what I should be doing (but often times, have not been doing), or to remind me of God's riches (His love, mercy, and grace), I get some sort of message sent directly from heaven to my heart.
Today, it's a little of both. I read through Hosea 14 this morning. This chapter is all about returning to God - the very story for the backslidden Christian. Unfortunately, I've been there. I knew what God wanted from me when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. For a while, I was on fire for God. However, it's remarkably easy for sin to creep back into your life - and for pride to keep you from acknowledging that sin. Having that sin, as one writer puts it, allows us to gradually drift away from God. It causes us to lose our desire to spend time in the Bible or in prayer, and in doing so, we forget our purpose: to glorify Him in all we do and say.
Hindsight, unfortunately, is 20/20. I can see clearly now (and yes, now, I'm humming that tune in my head! LOL) the things that I did that drove me farther from God. It's the small decisions that made a big (NEGATIVE) impact on my relationship with Christ. In fact, it drove me away from Him. I am also reminded of sin I still struggle with daily - my attitude and words, my temper. However (I am glad that there's a "however" here), God is always willing to forgive and He accepts me back with open arms when I asked Him for forgiveness. He loves us even when we don't love ourselves that much. Our unworthiness makes His grace and mercy that much more precious - and we don't have to do anything to earn it. When our load is to heavy or the guilt of our sin too much to bear, God is there to relieve us. His word reminds us that He loves us anyway, just as we are.
God, thank you so much for loving me freely. I don't have to do anything to make you love me - you just do. You know my imperfections and my struggles and yet your arms are still open to me. Thank you for the mercy and grace you show me daily. Father, please forgive me for my sin and help me as I go throughout this day to remember the love you offer and to show that to others. Help me to not sin in anger and to keep my tongue in check. Help me teach my children daily about your love and guide them to you. Grant me patience, Lord, as I go through our daily routine - I get tired and snap sometimes. Let me be mindful in what I do and say so that I set a good example for them to follow. Help me support my husband and build him up. Guide him, Lord, as the head of our family. Thank you for giving me him as my mate in life - I can see in the little things of our relationship that you had him planned for me from the start.
Heavenly Father, please be with my friend who is battling cancer and thank you for already watching over her as she recovers from surgery. Lord, I ask that you also be with another friend who has a daughter undergoing tests for a tumor they found on her kidney. I pray that it's benign, but if not, I pray for healing for that little girl and for peace for her parents as they undergo this scary journey.
I pray for my church, that you continue to guide me in what I need to do as a member and that you be with those who lead us. I pray that you allow our church to grow and that we reach others for you. Thank you for leading us to West Ridge and for the people we have met so far.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Well, my children are up and at 'em, so I need to go and tend to them before they tear the house down! There's already some sort of emergency involving a spider that I must go squish with a shoe!
Today, it's a little of both. I read through Hosea 14 this morning. This chapter is all about returning to God - the very story for the backslidden Christian. Unfortunately, I've been there. I knew what God wanted from me when I accepted Jesus as my Lord and Savior. For a while, I was on fire for God. However, it's remarkably easy for sin to creep back into your life - and for pride to keep you from acknowledging that sin. Having that sin, as one writer puts it, allows us to gradually drift away from God. It causes us to lose our desire to spend time in the Bible or in prayer, and in doing so, we forget our purpose: to glorify Him in all we do and say.
Hindsight, unfortunately, is 20/20. I can see clearly now (and yes, now, I'm humming that tune in my head! LOL) the things that I did that drove me farther from God. It's the small decisions that made a big (NEGATIVE) impact on my relationship with Christ. In fact, it drove me away from Him. I am also reminded of sin I still struggle with daily - my attitude and words, my temper. However (I am glad that there's a "however" here), God is always willing to forgive and He accepts me back with open arms when I asked Him for forgiveness. He loves us even when we don't love ourselves that much. Our unworthiness makes His grace and mercy that much more precious - and we don't have to do anything to earn it. When our load is to heavy or the guilt of our sin too much to bear, God is there to relieve us. His word reminds us that He loves us anyway, just as we are.
God, thank you so much for loving me freely. I don't have to do anything to make you love me - you just do. You know my imperfections and my struggles and yet your arms are still open to me. Thank you for the mercy and grace you show me daily. Father, please forgive me for my sin and help me as I go throughout this day to remember the love you offer and to show that to others. Help me to not sin in anger and to keep my tongue in check. Help me teach my children daily about your love and guide them to you. Grant me patience, Lord, as I go through our daily routine - I get tired and snap sometimes. Let me be mindful in what I do and say so that I set a good example for them to follow. Help me support my husband and build him up. Guide him, Lord, as the head of our family. Thank you for giving me him as my mate in life - I can see in the little things of our relationship that you had him planned for me from the start.
Heavenly Father, please be with my friend who is battling cancer and thank you for already watching over her as she recovers from surgery. Lord, I ask that you also be with another friend who has a daughter undergoing tests for a tumor they found on her kidney. I pray that it's benign, but if not, I pray for healing for that little girl and for peace for her parents as they undergo this scary journey.
I pray for my church, that you continue to guide me in what I need to do as a member and that you be with those who lead us. I pray that you allow our church to grow and that we reach others for you. Thank you for leading us to West Ridge and for the people we have met so far.
In Jesus' name, Amen.
Well, my children are up and at 'em, so I need to go and tend to them before they tear the house down! There's already some sort of emergency involving a spider that I must go squish with a shoe!
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Learning to do good
Well, this week went by fast and I realize that I have skipped a couple of days in my blog. I'm sure this sort of thing will happen, since my usual quiet time is sometimes not so quiet with Hailey and Heidi running under foot (or, as was the case this week, coming to my bed in the middle of the night and trampling any hope of me sleeping soundly - that's hard to do with you have feet in your kidneys!). I have to be honest - one of those days didn't get spent with God at all...and it was a cruddy day. I'm trying my best, though, to have my DAILY quiet time with God - even if the blogging portion of it takes a hit now and again.
Today, I read chapter 1 of Isaiah. To be honest, I didn't get much out of it the first time through. Upon research, though, it's clear what this passage is trying to say - stop with the hypocrisy and stop sinning! God is telling Israel that her sacrifices are no good if there is no change in the heart of her people; if there's no repentance and true turning from sin, sacrifices are null and void. I think what God is saying here is, "What good is forgiveness if someone is going to keep hurting me by blantantly thumbing your nose at me over and over again with no real feeling of remorse?"
I guess this hit home for me - how many times have I gone and "got some church" on Sunday, only to go on sinning as usual on Mondays? God really thumped me in the head this morning. Going to church isn't going to make any difference if my heart isn't humbled and changed - if I don't lay my sin at the cross, repent, and let Jesus live through me. Does this mean I need to be perfect? No. Building that relationship with God and loving Him with all of my heart is what He wants...and through that, God will teach me how I need to become. Since my focus has been on Him, I find myself hearing those little whispers when I mess up - and I cringe and ask for forgiveness. It isn't a lack of sin God expects because he knows we are human; however, He does expect me to not ignore the problem. He expects me to seek Him - as Isaiah 1:17 states, I should learn to do good and seek justice. I learn by following examples set out in God's word. That's why it's so important to read it, and read it often.
The most wonderful part of this chapter, in my mind, are found in verses 18: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow, though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. God promises forgiveness of sins. Where would we be without this? I can't imagine a more hopeless existence. I'm so thankful to God for His love and mercy!
Prayer - Dear God, Thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for your Word and for the lessons you have provided. Thank you for your mercy and your grace. Thank you for your forgiveness!! Thank you for my husband and our time together - and for my family, who helps out with my children so that Barry and I can reconnect. I am so thankful for my friends, Lord - they are blessings. They bring such joy to my life. Please be with my dear friend who is recovering from surgery - have your hand on her family, as well. Grant the doctors wisdom as they try to fight the cancer in her body. Give her strength, as well, to fight. I ask all of this in the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
Today, I read chapter 1 of Isaiah. To be honest, I didn't get much out of it the first time through. Upon research, though, it's clear what this passage is trying to say - stop with the hypocrisy and stop sinning! God is telling Israel that her sacrifices are no good if there is no change in the heart of her people; if there's no repentance and true turning from sin, sacrifices are null and void. I think what God is saying here is, "What good is forgiveness if someone is going to keep hurting me by blantantly thumbing your nose at me over and over again with no real feeling of remorse?"
I guess this hit home for me - how many times have I gone and "got some church" on Sunday, only to go on sinning as usual on Mondays? God really thumped me in the head this morning. Going to church isn't going to make any difference if my heart isn't humbled and changed - if I don't lay my sin at the cross, repent, and let Jesus live through me. Does this mean I need to be perfect? No. Building that relationship with God and loving Him with all of my heart is what He wants...and through that, God will teach me how I need to become. Since my focus has been on Him, I find myself hearing those little whispers when I mess up - and I cringe and ask for forgiveness. It isn't a lack of sin God expects because he knows we are human; however, He does expect me to not ignore the problem. He expects me to seek Him - as Isaiah 1:17 states, I should learn to do good and seek justice. I learn by following examples set out in God's word. That's why it's so important to read it, and read it often.
The most wonderful part of this chapter, in my mind, are found in verses 18: though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be white as snow, though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. God promises forgiveness of sins. Where would we be without this? I can't imagine a more hopeless existence. I'm so thankful to God for His love and mercy!
Prayer - Dear God, Thank you for loving me so much. Thank you for your Word and for the lessons you have provided. Thank you for your mercy and your grace. Thank you for your forgiveness!! Thank you for my husband and our time together - and for my family, who helps out with my children so that Barry and I can reconnect. I am so thankful for my friends, Lord - they are blessings. They bring such joy to my life. Please be with my dear friend who is recovering from surgery - have your hand on her family, as well. Grant the doctors wisdom as they try to fight the cancer in her body. Give her strength, as well, to fight. I ask all of this in the precious name of Jesus, Amen.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
And the relationship begins...(again)
Of course, as things happen in my house, on the day when I get up and begin reading, my quiet time isn't so quiet. My youngest, Heidi, woke up early and went into her sister, Hailey's, room and woke her up by smacking her on the head. Heidi also woke her daddy up and he isn't quite what you'd call a "morning person." Needless to say, we are all a bit cranky this morning. *sigh* However, in the midst of this, I prayed for focus and understanding and wisdom and I sincerely got a lot out of my reading this morning.
I've decided to use this as a way of keeping myself on track with reading my Bible daily. I've also found this as a way to read more and understand more of what the scriptures are trying to tell me. (As a side note, I love google - really. I adore it. I can search for one thing and have thousands of responses in an instant. Yep, I'm a nerd. LOL!) I have never read commentaries of scripture before because I always just assumed that it was sort of a "pastor/preacher" thing to do. I have never considered myself to be either one, and just for the sake of honesty, I never searched for more because I just thought that I'd learn whatever I needed to learn by picking up the Bible and reading a verse or two. @@ - this is me, rolling my eyes at myself.
Anyway, as per my daily reading list, I started with 2 Timothy 4. All I can say is WOW. I like to think that God has a sense of humor, and a dry one at that, because I can just see Him watching me and thinking, "so, get a load of THIS on your first day back to Me...are you listening?!" In this chapter, Paul is telling Timothy, no commanding him, to preach. To preach and teach, "for the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Um, yeah, that sounds pretty familiar. Seems like new religions or fads are out daily - people flock to them in hopes of finding "inner peace" or "spirituality." We are all alike in that we crave something to fill a spiritual void. However, as the great commission tells us, we are to go and tell everyone about Jesus, to tell of his love and grace, to teach his word. People might not listen, but we are to tell them anyway.
I think my absolute favorite verse from this passage is 2 Timothy 4:7 - "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." Paul then goes on to say that because of this ^^^, God will reward him on the Day when he has to give a full account of his life (Judgement Day). As I was reading further into some of the commentaries, I found this quote: "It therefore behooves all saints to seriously consider the accounting that we will shortly give to Jesus Christ of the stewardship entrusted to each of us." Oh, how I long to be able to stand before God and say what Paul says. Yes, I falter and fall...yes, I fail many times on a daily basis because I am far from perfect. But to be able to bow down before God and to hear him say, "Well done, my daughter." - would anything ever be better than that?! Best.Compliment.Evah!
However, how many times have I had an opportunity to share Christ with someone and NOT done it, simply because I didn't notice the opportunity or was too afraid of what they might think? Eek. If that doesn't humble me, I don't know what will. I get it. I need to have my radar out and gather the courage to share. This is something I have kept myself from doing because I depended on myself to have answers (rather than depending on God to just use me).
I'll be honest...I truly accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 20 years old. I said the prayer as a young child, but I never really understood the meaning of the relationship or allowed Christ to live through me. That being said, at 20 years old, I was on fire. I had gone through 2 really bad break-ups and realized that the problem was ME - I wasn't focused on God and couldn't receive His blessings because I was in my own way (and what would you know that when I focused on Him, I just so happen to meet my husband!). Since then, well....the fire sort of dwindled and the embers left smoldering - and sometimes, if someone were to walk by, there wouldn't even be a wisp of smoke. Since then, I can think of many times when I have hurt my own witness of Christ and led others down the wrong path. I'm ashamed to say that some people that I have come in contact with over the years might not know me to be a Christian. I'm fearful of having to account for that - thank God for his forgiveness and grace!! Oh, God, that my passion be in you from this point forward, that others might come to know you!! Use me, oh Lord. Amen!
Since this has gotten rather long, and the inmates (aka, my children) are taking over the institution, I better wrap it up.
Dear Lord, I pray for your grace and mercy always as I know that I am a sinner. Forgive me for the times I have failed you and stood in the way of Your plan for me. God, I pray that you lead me where I need to go, and that you keep your hand on me as I set an example for my own children. I pray for Hailey and Heidi, that they may grow to love you and need you. I pray for my marriage, that you have me hold up my side of the yolk faithfully and build up my husband with love and support. I pray for Barry that he might find enough rest and that you lead him to be the head of our home. I pray for my church and those who lead it, that they might draw others to you. Lord, I need to know my own place within the church - show me what you would have me to do. Let me serve where I can make the most impact. I am willing. God, fill me with wisdom - keep me from doing stupid things that hurt my witness of You. Help me to be slow to speak and quick to listen so that I might learn the needs of others.
Lord, thank you for your blessings. Thank you for my family, thank you for my daughters and my husband. Thank you for my job and those I work with and thank you for Barry's job. Lord you provide for us and help us to remember to give back to you. God, thank you for my church and the people that I've met through there - I pray that you build relationships that will help me to further serve you. Lord, thank you for my friends and be with them always. God, please be with me as I go through this day. Thank you for always listening and being willing to let a daughter come back to you. Thank you for your love. In Jesus' name, Amen.
I've decided to use this as a way of keeping myself on track with reading my Bible daily. I've also found this as a way to read more and understand more of what the scriptures are trying to tell me. (As a side note, I love google - really. I adore it. I can search for one thing and have thousands of responses in an instant. Yep, I'm a nerd. LOL!) I have never read commentaries of scripture before because I always just assumed that it was sort of a "pastor/preacher" thing to do. I have never considered myself to be either one, and just for the sake of honesty, I never searched for more because I just thought that I'd learn whatever I needed to learn by picking up the Bible and reading a verse or two. @@ - this is me, rolling my eyes at myself.
Anyway, as per my daily reading list, I started with 2 Timothy 4. All I can say is WOW. I like to think that God has a sense of humor, and a dry one at that, because I can just see Him watching me and thinking, "so, get a load of THIS on your first day back to Me...are you listening?!" In this chapter, Paul is telling Timothy, no commanding him, to preach. To preach and teach, "for the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Um, yeah, that sounds pretty familiar. Seems like new religions or fads are out daily - people flock to them in hopes of finding "inner peace" or "spirituality." We are all alike in that we crave something to fill a spiritual void. However, as the great commission tells us, we are to go and tell everyone about Jesus, to tell of his love and grace, to teach his word. People might not listen, but we are to tell them anyway.
I think my absolute favorite verse from this passage is 2 Timothy 4:7 - "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." Paul then goes on to say that because of this ^^^, God will reward him on the Day when he has to give a full account of his life (Judgement Day). As I was reading further into some of the commentaries, I found this quote: "It therefore behooves all saints to seriously consider the accounting that we will shortly give to Jesus Christ of the stewardship entrusted to each of us." Oh, how I long to be able to stand before God and say what Paul says. Yes, I falter and fall...yes, I fail many times on a daily basis because I am far from perfect. But to be able to bow down before God and to hear him say, "Well done, my daughter." - would anything ever be better than that?! Best.Compliment.Evah!
However, how many times have I had an opportunity to share Christ with someone and NOT done it, simply because I didn't notice the opportunity or was too afraid of what they might think? Eek. If that doesn't humble me, I don't know what will. I get it. I need to have my radar out and gather the courage to share. This is something I have kept myself from doing because I depended on myself to have answers (rather than depending on God to just use me).
I'll be honest...I truly accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 20 years old. I said the prayer as a young child, but I never really understood the meaning of the relationship or allowed Christ to live through me. That being said, at 20 years old, I was on fire. I had gone through 2 really bad break-ups and realized that the problem was ME - I wasn't focused on God and couldn't receive His blessings because I was in my own way (and what would you know that when I focused on Him, I just so happen to meet my husband!). Since then, well....the fire sort of dwindled and the embers left smoldering - and sometimes, if someone were to walk by, there wouldn't even be a wisp of smoke. Since then, I can think of many times when I have hurt my own witness of Christ and led others down the wrong path. I'm ashamed to say that some people that I have come in contact with over the years might not know me to be a Christian. I'm fearful of having to account for that - thank God for his forgiveness and grace!! Oh, God, that my passion be in you from this point forward, that others might come to know you!! Use me, oh Lord. Amen!
Since this has gotten rather long, and the inmates (aka, my children) are taking over the institution, I better wrap it up.
Dear Lord, I pray for your grace and mercy always as I know that I am a sinner. Forgive me for the times I have failed you and stood in the way of Your plan for me. God, I pray that you lead me where I need to go, and that you keep your hand on me as I set an example for my own children. I pray for Hailey and Heidi, that they may grow to love you and need you. I pray for my marriage, that you have me hold up my side of the yolk faithfully and build up my husband with love and support. I pray for Barry that he might find enough rest and that you lead him to be the head of our home. I pray for my church and those who lead it, that they might draw others to you. Lord, I need to know my own place within the church - show me what you would have me to do. Let me serve where I can make the most impact. I am willing. God, fill me with wisdom - keep me from doing stupid things that hurt my witness of You. Help me to be slow to speak and quick to listen so that I might learn the needs of others.
Lord, thank you for your blessings. Thank you for my family, thank you for my daughters and my husband. Thank you for my job and those I work with and thank you for Barry's job. Lord you provide for us and help us to remember to give back to you. God, thank you for my church and the people that I've met through there - I pray that you build relationships that will help me to further serve you. Lord, thank you for my friends and be with them always. God, please be with me as I go through this day. Thank you for always listening and being willing to let a daughter come back to you. Thank you for your love. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Why this blog?
I've given blogging a chance before on a personal family blog - and I have miserably failed to keep track of it and update it. I usually forget that I even HAVE a blog, which is sad and understandable (as I'm running after 2 small children) at the same time.
This time, however, is different. I began thinking, after an amazing service at church based on righteousness, that I spend all my time trying to EARN what has already been freely given - forgiveness of my sins and God's grace and mercy. Well, saying I was trying to earn this is a bit ridiculous - the most I would really do is get angry at myself after having a fit of anger or losing my patience or gossipping....well, you get the picture....and then pray for God to grant me the things that I lack. In this service, however, I had an epiphany, if you will. I realized how utterly foolish I've been. God has already granted my forgiveness and saved me through his son Jesus Christ - all He wants from me is a relationship. A true relationship, where I spend time with Him and learn from Him....and in turn, He will give me all I need.
That service also got me to thinking - what kind of wife and mother can I ever be if I am not putting the most important person - Jesus - first? As Proverbs 31:10 states, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." I want to be that woman. I want to be like David - a woman after God's own heart. Right now, in the rut I'm in, it's more like my price is right around that of a pile of dog poo. :-P To be deemed virtuous or gracious or kind or "insert positive adjective here," it must come from Christ as he lives through me. My focus MUST be on Him.
So, this is my way of doing all of this by way of a journal. I want to write down and record all of the things I learn through the study of my Bible daily (as I've only ever done this sporadically and without much understanding afterwards). I want to write down my prayers and praises daily and see the changes God makes. I want to record my struggles and be set free by laying it all at the cross. Most importantly, I hope my morning quiet time with build that relationship with God that will continue throughout all eternity.
This time, however, is different. I began thinking, after an amazing service at church based on righteousness, that I spend all my time trying to EARN what has already been freely given - forgiveness of my sins and God's grace and mercy. Well, saying I was trying to earn this is a bit ridiculous - the most I would really do is get angry at myself after having a fit of anger or losing my patience or gossipping....well, you get the picture....and then pray for God to grant me the things that I lack. In this service, however, I had an epiphany, if you will. I realized how utterly foolish I've been. God has already granted my forgiveness and saved me through his son Jesus Christ - all He wants from me is a relationship. A true relationship, where I spend time with Him and learn from Him....and in turn, He will give me all I need.
That service also got me to thinking - what kind of wife and mother can I ever be if I am not putting the most important person - Jesus - first? As Proverbs 31:10 states, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." I want to be that woman. I want to be like David - a woman after God's own heart. Right now, in the rut I'm in, it's more like my price is right around that of a pile of dog poo. :-P To be deemed virtuous or gracious or kind or "insert positive adjective here," it must come from Christ as he lives through me. My focus MUST be on Him.
So, this is my way of doing all of this by way of a journal. I want to write down and record all of the things I learn through the study of my Bible daily (as I've only ever done this sporadically and without much understanding afterwards). I want to write down my prayers and praises daily and see the changes God makes. I want to record my struggles and be set free by laying it all at the cross. Most importantly, I hope my morning quiet time with build that relationship with God that will continue throughout all eternity.
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