Of course, as things happen in my house, on the day when I get up and begin reading, my quiet time isn't so quiet. My youngest, Heidi, woke up early and went into her sister, Hailey's, room and woke her up by smacking her on the head. Heidi also woke her daddy up and he isn't quite what you'd call a "morning person." Needless to say, we are all a bit cranky this morning. *sigh* However, in the midst of this, I prayed for focus and understanding and wisdom and I sincerely got a lot out of my reading this morning.
I've decided to use this as a way of keeping myself on track with reading my Bible daily. I've also found this as a way to read more and understand more of what the scriptures are trying to tell me. (As a side note, I love google - really. I adore it. I can search for one thing and have thousands of responses in an instant. Yep, I'm a nerd. LOL!) I have never read commentaries of scripture before because I always just assumed that it was sort of a "pastor/preacher" thing to do. I have never considered myself to be either one, and just for the sake of honesty, I never searched for more because I just thought that I'd learn whatever I needed to learn by picking up the Bible and reading a verse or two. @@ - this is me, rolling my eyes at myself.
Anyway, as per my daily reading list, I started with 2 Timothy 4. All I can say is WOW. I like to think that God has a sense of humor, and a dry one at that, because I can just see Him watching me and thinking, "so, get a load of THIS on your first day back to Me...are you listening?!" In this chapter, Paul is telling Timothy, no commanding him, to preach. To preach and teach, "for the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching, but having itching ears they will accumulate for themselves teachers to suit their own passions, and will turn away from listening to the truth and wander off into myths." (2 Timothy 4:3-4). Um, yeah, that sounds pretty familiar. Seems like new religions or fads are out daily - people flock to them in hopes of finding "inner peace" or "spirituality." We are all alike in that we crave something to fill a spiritual void. However, as the great commission tells us, we are to go and tell everyone about Jesus, to tell of his love and grace, to teach his word. People might not listen, but we are to tell them anyway.
I think my absolute favorite verse from this passage is 2 Timothy 4:7 - "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." Paul then goes on to say that because of this ^^^, God will reward him on the Day when he has to give a full account of his life (Judgement Day). As I was reading further into some of the commentaries, I found this quote: "It therefore behooves all saints to seriously consider the accounting that we will shortly give to Jesus Christ of the stewardship entrusted to each of us." Oh, how I long to be able to stand before God and say what Paul says. Yes, I falter and fall...yes, I fail many times on a daily basis because I am far from perfect. But to be able to bow down before God and to hear him say, "Well done, my daughter." - would anything ever be better than that?! Best.Compliment.Evah!
However, how many times have I had an opportunity to share Christ with someone and NOT done it, simply because I didn't notice the opportunity or was too afraid of what they might think? Eek. If that doesn't humble me, I don't know what will. I get it. I need to have my radar out and gather the courage to share. This is something I have kept myself from doing because I depended on myself to have answers (rather than depending on God to just use me).
I'll be honest...I truly accepted Christ as my Savior when I was 20 years old. I said the prayer as a young child, but I never really understood the meaning of the relationship or allowed Christ to live through me. That being said, at 20 years old, I was on fire. I had gone through 2 really bad break-ups and realized that the problem was ME - I wasn't focused on God and couldn't receive His blessings because I was in my own way (and what would you know that when I focused on Him, I just so happen to meet my husband!). Since then, well....the fire sort of dwindled and the embers left smoldering - and sometimes, if someone were to walk by, there wouldn't even be a wisp of smoke. Since then, I can think of many times when I have hurt my own witness of Christ and led others down the wrong path. I'm ashamed to say that some people that I have come in contact with over the years might not know me to be a Christian. I'm fearful of having to account for that - thank God for his forgiveness and grace!! Oh, God, that my passion be in you from this point forward, that others might come to know you!! Use me, oh Lord. Amen!
Since this has gotten rather long, and the inmates (aka, my children) are taking over the institution, I better wrap it up.
Dear Lord, I pray for your grace and mercy always as I know that I am a sinner. Forgive me for the times I have failed you and stood in the way of Your plan for me. God, I pray that you lead me where I need to go, and that you keep your hand on me as I set an example for my own children. I pray for Hailey and Heidi, that they may grow to love you and need you. I pray for my marriage, that you have me hold up my side of the yolk faithfully and build up my husband with love and support. I pray for Barry that he might find enough rest and that you lead him to be the head of our home. I pray for my church and those who lead it, that they might draw others to you. Lord, I need to know my own place within the church - show me what you would have me to do. Let me serve where I can make the most impact. I am willing. God, fill me with wisdom - keep me from doing stupid things that hurt my witness of You. Help me to be slow to speak and quick to listen so that I might learn the needs of others.
Lord, thank you for your blessings. Thank you for my family, thank you for my daughters and my husband. Thank you for my job and those I work with and thank you for Barry's job. Lord you provide for us and help us to remember to give back to you. God, thank you for my church and the people that I've met through there - I pray that you build relationships that will help me to further serve you. Lord, thank you for my friends and be with them always. God, please be with me as I go through this day. Thank you for always listening and being willing to let a daughter come back to you. Thank you for your love. In Jesus' name, Amen.
Tuesday, June 28, 2011
Why this blog?
I've given blogging a chance before on a personal family blog - and I have miserably failed to keep track of it and update it. I usually forget that I even HAVE a blog, which is sad and understandable (as I'm running after 2 small children) at the same time.
This time, however, is different. I began thinking, after an amazing service at church based on righteousness, that I spend all my time trying to EARN what has already been freely given - forgiveness of my sins and God's grace and mercy. Well, saying I was trying to earn this is a bit ridiculous - the most I would really do is get angry at myself after having a fit of anger or losing my patience or gossipping....well, you get the picture....and then pray for God to grant me the things that I lack. In this service, however, I had an epiphany, if you will. I realized how utterly foolish I've been. God has already granted my forgiveness and saved me through his son Jesus Christ - all He wants from me is a relationship. A true relationship, where I spend time with Him and learn from Him....and in turn, He will give me all I need.
That service also got me to thinking - what kind of wife and mother can I ever be if I am not putting the most important person - Jesus - first? As Proverbs 31:10 states, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." I want to be that woman. I want to be like David - a woman after God's own heart. Right now, in the rut I'm in, it's more like my price is right around that of a pile of dog poo. :-P To be deemed virtuous or gracious or kind or "insert positive adjective here," it must come from Christ as he lives through me. My focus MUST be on Him.
So, this is my way of doing all of this by way of a journal. I want to write down and record all of the things I learn through the study of my Bible daily (as I've only ever done this sporadically and without much understanding afterwards). I want to write down my prayers and praises daily and see the changes God makes. I want to record my struggles and be set free by laying it all at the cross. Most importantly, I hope my morning quiet time with build that relationship with God that will continue throughout all eternity.
This time, however, is different. I began thinking, after an amazing service at church based on righteousness, that I spend all my time trying to EARN what has already been freely given - forgiveness of my sins and God's grace and mercy. Well, saying I was trying to earn this is a bit ridiculous - the most I would really do is get angry at myself after having a fit of anger or losing my patience or gossipping....well, you get the picture....and then pray for God to grant me the things that I lack. In this service, however, I had an epiphany, if you will. I realized how utterly foolish I've been. God has already granted my forgiveness and saved me through his son Jesus Christ - all He wants from me is a relationship. A true relationship, where I spend time with Him and learn from Him....and in turn, He will give me all I need.
That service also got me to thinking - what kind of wife and mother can I ever be if I am not putting the most important person - Jesus - first? As Proverbs 31:10 states, "Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies." I want to be that woman. I want to be like David - a woman after God's own heart. Right now, in the rut I'm in, it's more like my price is right around that of a pile of dog poo. :-P To be deemed virtuous or gracious or kind or "insert positive adjective here," it must come from Christ as he lives through me. My focus MUST be on Him.
So, this is my way of doing all of this by way of a journal. I want to write down and record all of the things I learn through the study of my Bible daily (as I've only ever done this sporadically and without much understanding afterwards). I want to write down my prayers and praises daily and see the changes God makes. I want to record my struggles and be set free by laying it all at the cross. Most importantly, I hope my morning quiet time with build that relationship with God that will continue throughout all eternity.
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